I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
