You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Randomize
