I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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