Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Randomize
