just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
