Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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