He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize
