i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
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