Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
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