when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
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