Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
These 23 People Had The Most Insane Spring Breaks Ever
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
25 Women On How They Let Their Oblivious Partners Know They Want To Bone
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people