Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.