Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
19 Confessions From A Dude With A Micropenis
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
17 Exes Admit Why They Were Crazy In Their Past Relationship
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.