North Korea, Best Korea!
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
29 “I’m Getting Old” Moments
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
19 Worst Song Lyrics of All Time
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.