so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Stuck it in his pooper.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.