You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything