Just fell off a train. Bad.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
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i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
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I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?