My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I need to align my fucking chakras
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
