WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
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I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
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BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
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