Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
