Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
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