you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
