the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
