oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Randomize
