Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
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