She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
