Non-Jews are for practice
she woke up with a sticky ear
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
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