She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
