Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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