Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
