Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
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