wanna go halves on a baby?
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
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