You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
