but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Randomize
