Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Randomize