Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
you didnt know i had herpes?
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
