you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
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On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
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Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
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