Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
