i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
