She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
