The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
