The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
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