If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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