So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
