My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Randomize
