So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
two words: eviction party
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
