He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I am one with the molecules
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Randomize
