Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
