you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
