I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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