Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
