Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
