What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Randomize
