She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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