I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize