So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
