He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Come see our sink grown plant.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
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