just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
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Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
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Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize