Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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