i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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