I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
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