My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
