Where is the hickey?
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
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