Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Randomize
