i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
