If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
she peed on how many people?
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
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