I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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