We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
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