I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
